I Mock Your Mock Draft

April 25, 2019

The word "mock" has a few different meanings. As an adjective it means not authentic or real, but without the intention to deceive. As a verb it means to tease or laugh at in a scornful or contemptuous manner and as a noun it means an object of derision. 

 

My goal is to tap into all three meanings with my one and only version of the 2019 NFL mock draft.

 

On the radio or online, I've done one of these for the past 23 years and covered the draft locally with the Seahawks 27 of the past 29 years. All of that experience leads to this clever insight...the draft is a crap-shoot.

 

Oh, not for your favorite team or the scouts and GM's who know or at least look like they know what they're doing. I mean it's a crap-shoot for most of us in the media. I've always said there's about 25 people in the business that know what the draft is all about, the rest of us are  all parroting their information in a rousing game of telephone. 

 

So that's why I feel the need to offer a disclaimer before I deliver a mock draft worth mocking. . 

 

The Mock Adjective: What follows below is not the gospel. Unlike many others out there, I'm not trying to sell it as such. I will not tabulate my hits or misses in comparison to the real deal. I'm also not trying to deceive you into thinking I have some inside scoop. I'm just a longtime NFL fan, who enjoys offering my semi-educataed guesses for this talent show.

 

The Mock Verb: I will not be offering stats and measurements. Nor will I be using phrases like "works well is space", "high character guy" or  "passes the eye-test". You have plenty of options for these nebulous cliches. Instead I will try to inject a little humor into this big stakes cattle-call with hopefully a few well placed snide remarks and blatant 

 

The Mock Noun: This is where you the reader come in, but hopefully in the nicest of ways.  My picks are fair game. I expect to be wrong. Hopefully not so glaringly wrong that it draws your ire (Don't ask who I picked in the Ryan Leaf/Peyton Manning debate back in 1998...and yes, I still hear about it). Remember our motto at OnTheDLN.com during the draft..."Don't hate on Doug, hate on Roger Goodell".

 

Now with that out of the way and a quick reminder that our draft does not allow trades (because that just ruins everything) it's time to take out my magic 8-ball and get to mocking! 

 

1. Arizona Cardinals - Kyler Murray QB - Oklahoma 

The worst kept secret in the draft comes to pass, landing the most dynamic offensive talent available on a team not built for him in any way. 

2. San Francisco 49ers - Nick Bosa - DE, Ohio State

The sack challenged Niners (just 37 sacks in 2018), get the edge rusher they desperately need.

3.New York Giants - Quinnen Williams - DT, Alabama

Is Williams really ready to embrace the relative obscurity and shorter seasons in going from Bama to the Big Apple?

4. Oakland Raiders - Josh Allen - DE, Kentucky 

Plenty of options for Gruden and company here, but the Silver & Black go with the high risk/high reward pick because...well...they're the Raiders! 

5. Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Devin White - LB, LSU

Bucs can't stop Kamara, Freeman and McCaffrey without an upgrade at LB...will White be enough?

6. New York Giants - Ed Oliver - DT, Houston 

The G-men get a gift at 6. NYC fans don't hear pick above their chants of "Dwayne Haskins"...oops.

7. Jacksonville Jaguars -  Jawaan Taylor - OT, Florida

Tom Coughlin turns in pick 5 minutes early (to be on time???) and gets the mauler up front he always covets. 

8. Detroit Lions - T.J. Hockenson - TE, Iowa

A do-everything TE for a team (with apologies to Levine Toilolo & the now departed Luke Willson) that did-nothing at the position last year. 

9. Buffalo Bills - Andre Dillard - OT, Washington State

Cougar fans derive way too much pleasure seeing a WSU player get before any UW Huskies as the Bills try to bolster their protection for the bruised and battered Josh Allen. 

10. Drew Lock - QB, Missouri

John Elway rolls the dice on a QB again. This time he rolls a hard 7 with the big arm out of Missouri. Remember it took Elway a few tries to win a Super Bowl too. 

11. Cincinnati Bengals - Dwayne Haskins - QB, Ohio State

After finally showing Marvin Lewis the door, the arrival of big game, gun-slinger Haskins mean Andy Dalton will not be far behind. 

12. Green Bay Packers - Devin Bush - LB, Michigan

R-E-L-A-X Packer fans, new leadership means more focus on defense. Can Bush fill Clay Matthews shoes?

13. Miami Dolphins - Christian Wilkins - DT, Clemson 

The Dolphins need so many things, they really can't go wrong filling a need on the D-line 

14. Atlanta Falcons - Brian Burns - DE, Florida State

They didn't play defense in the ATL last year.  Burns helps reverse that for HC Dan Quinn who needs to rediscover his DC roots. 

15. Washington Redskins - Daniel Jones - QB, Duke 

In our no-trade draft, the Skins finally get their guy (twice removed). Good young talent to build around, but D.C. fans still looking to impeach Daniel Snyder for letting Kirk Cousins walk. 

16. Carolina Panthers - Montez Sweat - DE, Mississippi State

Have you been paying attention? NFC South teams better draft defense because the Saints are REALLY good and going 7-and-9 isn't fun. 

17. New York Giants - D.K. Metcalf - WR, Ole Miss 

With Lock, Haskins & Jones gone, David Gettleman rubs salt in the wound by selecting a WR. A very good one, but not OBJ good. 

18. Minnesota Vikings - Garrett Bradbury - C, N.C. State

Taking an O-lineman is never exciting, but ranking above 30th in rushing per game and protecting your QB from Khalil Mack sure is. 

19. Tennessee Titans - Marquise Brown - WR, Oklahoma

The Titans make the hometown crowd cheer with the selection of an offensive dynamo at wideout, despite plans to still run Derrick Henry 47 times a game. 

20. Pittsburgh Steelers - Rock Ya-Sin - CB, Temple

Steelers address a huge need in the secondary and give Ju-Ju Smith Schuster some company on the All-Name Team. 

21. Seattle Seahawks - Rashan Gary - DE, Michigan 

The only way to make sure the Hawks would use a first round pick was to outlaw trades. The lure of what will be versus what is (and a truck-load of $$$ in contract demands) leads Seattle to grab the next Frank Clark in the younger & bigger form of edge rusher Gary. To add intrigue Hawks may have to "shoulder" injury concerns surrounding the Michigan star. 

22. Baltimore Ravens - Cody Ford - OG, Oklahoma

The Ravens like to run, run, run with Lamar Jackson and run they will behind this Sooner road grater.

23. Houston Texans -  Chris Lindstrom - OG, Boston College

Deshaun Watson takes A LOT of time after the snap. After getting sacked an NFL-high 62 times last year, Lindstrom will give him the gift of time even better than a Rolex. 

24. Oakland Raiders - Josh Jacobs - RB, Alabama

As the Raiders say goodbye to Beast Mode, they turn to an Alabama replacement at RB. Jacobs has big play ability, but will his career match Mark Ingraham or Trent Richardson?  

25. Philadelphia Eagles - Clelin Ferrell - DE, Clemson

The Eagles look to replace the sacks and tiny shoulder pads of Michael Bennett with national championship caliber speed rush ability. 

26. Indianapolis Colts - Jeffery Simmons - DT, Mississippi State

Look what we found...Due to an ACL injury, the Colts get a top-10 pick near the bottom of the draft. 

27. Oakland Raiders - Byron Murphy - CB, Washington 

Murphy wants to go to Pittsburgh, while Arizona fans would like to see him return home in the second round. So of course I'm predicting a move from Death Row with the Dawgs to the Black Hole. Raiders moves just happen, they don't have to make sense. 

28. Los Angeles Chargers - Greedy Williams - CB LSU

Greedy goes to Hollywood...more than a great movie title as the Chargers tap into LSU's DB factory. 

29. Seattle Seahawks - Johnathan Abram - S, Mississippi State

Abram isn't Kam or Earl, but who is? Seattle continues to rebuild the defensive backfield in the fashion on their two former stars by drafting the hardest hitting DB in the draft. 

30. Green Bay Packers - A.J. Brown - WR, Ole Miss

The Pack addressed defense early, but they know who sits at the head table and will keep Aaron Rodgers happy by selecting the second Ole Miss wideout in round one. 

31. Los Angeles Rams - Elgton Jenkins - G/C, Mississippi State

L.A. is still wondering if they will have a healthy Todd Gurley next year. Time to help him out by getting younger and stronger on the O-line. 

32. New England Patriots - Noah Fant - TE, Iowa

Good luck replacing Gronk. Fant can do it on the receiving end, but has his hand full trying to match the sledge-hammer blocking and WWE attitude for the Super bowl champs.

 

There you have it. Take it to the bank. As promised, a mock draft worth mocking!  I leave you with the insightful words of Austin Millbrae from the movie "Spies Like Us" : "We mock what we don't understand." Happy Draft Day Everyone! 

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